When Bootlegs Go Bad

These screen captures are from a bootleg copy of Red Dragon, purchased while abroad by someone I know. Whoever did the English subtitles seemed to have only a passing familiarity with the language, getting something like one word out of every 10 correct. Oftentimes, the subtitles have no relation at all to the dialogue.

WHAT WAS SAID: The Harvey Keitel character is explaining to Edward Norton’s character about murders that took place in Birmingham and Atlanta.
SUBTITLE: Even we have to move from Bominghan to Atalanta

WHAT WAS SAID: Norton’s character talks about how he “doesn’t think about this stuff anymore.”
SUBTITLE: I have got used to clam life
Norton’s character doesn’t use the word “calm,” but the person doing the subtitles might have intended to use it to paraphrase what Norton said. If so, I like how the transposition of letters into “clam” life implies a similar sentiment, i.e., Norton’s character’s life being somewhat slow and of minor significance, like a clam’s.

WHAT WAS SAID: It’s Chromalux.
SUBTITLE: This is carmax

And you know how positive blurbs are always splashed across a movie’s posters? I typically ignore them, but I noticed that this was the blurb on the cover of the bootleg DVD: “It includes the initial capture” (no period, in big red letters). It’s attributed to “The New Youk BBC TV.”

Odds and Ends Pt. 6

“Real Life” by GameSpot–Just in case you need to get an idea of what real life is like before you participate.

“What’s Lost Is Found, Very Cheaply”–If you’re ever in Scottsboro, Alabama, be sure to stop by the Unclaimed Baggage Center. I’m not sure how people lose some of the stuff that ends up in the store. One shopper, called Allan, is quoted as saying, “When Jesse Jackson was running for president his suits came in here. And one year when M.C. Hammer was touring, his backdrop came in here from his concert stage.” Jewelry, skis, works of art. Nothing’s too priceless to lose. (Check out the interesting stuff section of the store’s Web site for more gems. I won’t spoil it for you.)

Driving Under the Influence–I’ve only ever seen a few minutes of Reno 911! And I will look back on those minutes fondly.

Ask MetaFilter–Have I ever mentioned that I love this site? All the discussions I’ve ever read on there have been surprisingly good (and spam- and flame-free). Get or share your answers to such timeless questions as “What exactly do people, especially young people (18-22) DO at the lake or beach all day?” I’m still trying to decide whether or not I want to pay the $5 one-time registration fee to be able to post comments.

Metropolitan Opera–This New York institution (see Moonstruck) is having its first-ever open house Sept. 22. For those with no obligations that Friday, you can attend the final dress rehearsal for Madama Butterfly, which will kick off the Met’s 2006-07 season. Tickets to the rehearsal are free and will be distributed Wednesday, Sept. 20 on a first-come, first-served basis.

Survivor–The next season of this reality adventure show will premiere Sept. 14, with four teams of five members each based on race. Which means that the show will boost the total number of Asians on TV to 5. (OK, that might be a little harsh. More like, 6.)

Pluto’s demotion–Did anyone stop to think about the astrologers??

Martians and Cardboard Beds

Studio 360 this week explored violence in entertainment. Comic Jack Handey (whom most people might know for his “Deep Thoughts” on Saturday Night Live) was invited to contribute. The result, “My Speech to the Martians,” is hilarious. An excerpt:

People of Mars, you say we are brutes and savages. But let me tell you one thing. If I could get loose from this cage you have me in, I would tear you guys a new Martian asshole. … I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves. But you have treated me like an intruder. But maybe it is not me who is the intruder but you. No, not me. You, stupid.”

(I just did a quick search and it seems as if this “speech” first appeared in the New Yorker. It’s probably even better hearing him read it. He speaks in this deadpan, which is part of the reason I like his work. He’s not deliberately trying to be jokey. His humor’s kind of twisted, almost cruel.)

The itbed, from Swiss firm it design looks awesome. It’s kind of hard to believe that cardboard can be manipulated to support something as heavy as a mattress and sleepers, but I guess it’s all about the triangles. (Any other geeks remember building a tower out of balsa wood to support as much weight as possible?) Now that’s portability.

Danny Leiner’s “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle”

Note: My thoughts on this movie were originally posted in my sidebar and was written a few weeks ago.

Yes, the “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle” is silly, but it’s refreshing to finally see a film that doesn’t feature an Asian male as The Nerd, The Japanese Mafia Guy, The Martial Arts Expert, The Immigrant or The Restaurant/Laundry/Cornerstore Owner.

The fact that two Asian males are the leads make this film even more remarkable to me. I feel that here’s finally a movie that reflects my experience, i.e., people of color as average Americans. (I also liked how the film touches upon the issue of racism. At one point in the movie, one of the “villains” snears at Harold and Kumar, “Better luck tomorrow!”)

I Am Surely Going to Hell

A little late on this, but Pat Robertson, founder and chairman of The Christian Broadcasting Channel, issued this warning on “The 700 Club” last Thursday: “I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God. You just rejected him from your city.”

Later the same day, he issued this statement clarifying what he’d said:

God is tolerant and loving, but we can’t keep sticking our finger in his eye forever. … If they have future problems in Dover, I recommend they call on Charles Darwin. Maybe he can help them.”

I appreciate it when people take it upon themselves to inform others the punishments God has in store for them. It proves that they have a true and direct connection to God.

On a completely unrelated note, I flipped the TV on Sunday evening and “Charmed” was on the air. It was an old episode because Shannen Doherty was still on the show. Following “Charmed” was “What I Like About You” (which I’ve never watched, I swear!), co-starring Jennie Garth. Who would have thought that a decade after “Beverly Hills, 90210,” the two actresses would appear back-to-back on The WB?